


Love Is Clueless, Destiny Is Wishing

by nationalnobody



Series: To The Middle Of Your Heart [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Cashton, Confessions, Fluff, Kisses, Love Letters, M/M, Muke - Freeform, there's like two masturbation jokes in here who am i
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-03-01 22:17:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2789654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nationalnobody/pseuds/nationalnobody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton reads Calum's love letter and with a little effort and between begging Luke and Michael via text and walking all across the neighbourhood, everything just falls into place.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Is Clueless, Destiny Is Wishing

**Author's Note:**

> hasn't been proof-read oop, it's 3am bleh

When Ashton opened his locker and saw the crisp, white envelope that was tucked neatly into the side of his school bag he didn't know what to expect. However, out of all the things he _could_ have expected, he sure as Hell hadn't expected it to be a letter. And from Calum at that! He didn't really understand; why couldn't the other boy just talk to him?

Still, there was no doubt that the letter was Calum's. The moment Ashton saw the way black ink stained the front of the envelope in small, messy writing, he knew that it couldn't have been anyone else. That and the fact that only five people know the combination for his lock.

He traces over the letters with his fingers tentatively, _what could it be?_ With a shake of his head he decides that going home and reading it would be best. He doesn't really want people peering over his shoulder or asking him about this, for some reason it seemed oddly disrespectful to Calum; to allow someone else to read the letter that is.

Throughout the entire day Ashton doesn’t see Calum, not even when he seeks out Michael to ask where the Kiwi is. All he gets as a reply is, _‘Luke said he’s come down with a cold or something’_.

It only adds to Ashton’s worry, _what if he’s dying and this is his goodbye letter?!_ He discards the thought almost immediately because _as if_ Calum wouldn’t have told Luke that he’s dying and if Luke knew, Michael would and then in turn so would Ashton. So Calum dying didn’t really make much sense.

* * *

It’s during the middle of lunch when Ashton finally cracks and reads Calum’s letter. A quick, _‘I’m going to the bathroom’_ to his friends and he’s off. Practically running to his locker to fetch the envelope out of his bag and then nearly knocking over a freshman on his way to the bathroom.

The bathroom isn’t deserted; Ashton didn’t expect it to be anyway even though he would’ve preferred it. He’ll play the hand he’s been dealt, it doesn’t matter. The blonde heads towards the stall furthest from the entrance and locks himself in it. He hangs his bag on the hook attached to the door and sits on the lid of the toilet.

“Might as well…” Ashton mumbles to himself as he opens the envelope. Hazel eyes meet messily torn lined paper and equally as messy handwriting, _definitely Calum’s._ Part of him wants to put the letter away and just read it at home but he _can’t, he physically can’t,_ and without his own heart’s consent he’s already begun reading it.

Ashton lets out a small chuckle when he sees the very start, _‘Hey Ash’,_ it was so typical of Calum. Then all at once his breathing hitches as his eyes roam over the words _‘love letter’_.

Love letter..?

_Calum wasn’t dying, these aren’t his last words…It’s-It’s a love letter?!_

Ashton’s eyes are back on the paper within a millisecond and everything but Calum’s letter is spinning in his vision and he can hear the voices of other students filtering in and out of the bathroom but none of those voices belong to Calum, none of them seem to matter. He wants to imprint the Kiwi’s words into his skin, wants them to seep so deep into his bones that he’ll be feeling the effects of them forever.

 _‘We used to see each other a lot, especially year 11. I miss it,_ I miss you. _’_

 _'I_ _can’t say thank you enough for everything.’_

_‘I’ve been in love with you for over a year and half’_

_‘_ _I’ve never fallen this hard, this fast,_ this deep _for anyone ever but you, Ashton Irwin,_ you _are the only exception and I’m aware that it seems like I’m quoting Paramore now but I’m not, I promise you.’_

It takes him a full five minutes to read the not-so-lengthy love letter, partly because he just can’t believe it and partly because he’s struggling to breathe normally. Hell, just a second ago he heard someone say ‘mate I wouldn’t go in there if I were you, sounds like somebody’s downright jackin’ off’.

Had this happened any other time Ashton would’ve been an embarrassed wreck but right now he just didn’t care. The only word that’s surfacing from the mess that is his thoughts is _CalumCalumCalumCalumCalumCalum **Calum**._

 _He needs to see Calum. He needs to tell Calum. He needs—_ Ashton pauses and takes a moment to compose himself, he’s aware that he’s an absolute mess right now and he’s aware that lunch will be ending in a couple of minutes, he’s also aware that he _needs_ to tell Calum and that it just cannot wait; because some absurd part of him is shouting at him, telling him that if he doesn’t do this _now,_ there won’t ever be another occasion for it.

So he rises to his feet and with quivering fingers he tucks the letter into his trouser’s left pocket. He opens the door slowly, sort of hoping that nobody’s been in the bathroom long enough to notice just how long he’d been in that stall for

If anybody does notice, they don’t seem to care.

 _This is stupid,_ Ashton tells himself as he throws open his locker door and swings his bag over his shoulder, _I could get suspended._ But he doesn’t care, he really doesn’t care. As he exits the school he sends Luke a hurried text;

**To: Lucas**

**Is Calum at home?**

Ashton heads straight to Calum’s place as planned but on the way he dips into a 7 Eleven and buys a slurpee, waiting for Luke to reply to him. Five minutes later, Ashton is standing in front of Calum’s door and steady fingers are knocking away.

Mali appears at the door with a grin on her face, “Ash! Hey! How are you?!” She exclaims and Ashton smiles, all teeth and dimples. They converse for a few moments before Mali steps forward and looks around Ashton before confusion dawns on her face, “I thought Calum would be with you…?” She mumbles half to herself and now Ashton is just as confused.

“You don’t know where he is?” The blonde asks and the girl simply shakes her head, “Maybe he’s hanging with someone else?” Ashton doesn’t like the bitter taste in his mouth or the ache in his chest that surface when he hears Mali utter those words.

Tight lipped, he says his goodbye and quickly walks away from the Hood residence. He realises with a frown that it's been almost ten minutes and he still hasn’t gotten a reply from Luke which doesn’t make any sense because Luke’s nearly always using his phone, _especially_ during class, to watch random YouTube videos or God knows what. It makes him feel somewhat uneasy so he sends Luke another text.

**To: Lucas**

**Pls reply!! Is Calum okay? Is he by himself?**

And _another._

**To: Lucas**

**How bad is it? He’s not in extreme pain is he? Where is he?!**

And _another and another and **another**._

**To: Lucas**

**Don’t ignore these, I really need to talk to Calum. Michael said you know how sick he is.**

**To: Lucas**

**Please Luke I’m…Just please I know you know where he is.**

**To: Lucas**

**I need to tell him I love him, _please._**

He hits send so hard that for a moment he’s afraid he might’ve damaged his phone. He knows Luke has got to be aware of Calum’s feelings – he just _knows._ A few more minutes pass and he receives no reply, _why is Luke doing this?_ And then, in a last ditch effort, he sends a text to Michael.

**To: Michael**

**Please tell me where Calum is. Please ask Luke, he's not responding. I need to talk to Calum. I need to tell him. _Please, Mikey please._**

He receives a reply almost instantly and he feels his heart lodge itself in his throat as his brain registers the words on the screen.

**From: Michael**

**luke’s phone got confiscated so if u messaged him that’s why he isn’t replying but anyway he said that Calum is at his house rn and u guys can speak in private bc luke’s parents are on holiday. and gl man, don’t hurt him or we’ll hurt u**

The first thing that Ashton asks himself is ‘ _why is Calum at Luke’s? Is something going on between them?’_ but he discards the irrational, jealousy-provoked thought the second he thinks it because Luke is just  _so_ smitten with Michael there’s no way he’d even _think_ about someone else in that way.

Ashton practically runs all the way to Luke’s house, thanking his lucky stars that Luke’s house was only about a twenty minute walk from Calum’s. So it’d be about a ten minute run or a little more, what with pedestrian crossings and all.

When he finally does get to Luke’s house, his heart feels as if it might just burst and his ribcage feels like it might fall apart, it could be from the running but he knows it’s from the fact that he’s going to see Calum.

He makes his way to the front door on slightly shaky legs and fishes the spare key out of the letter box on the way. He takes a deep breath before turning the key and unlocking the door near silently, thankful for the lack of noise it makes.

He can hear the faint sounds of what sounds like ABC3 coming from upstairs, coming from Luke’s? room. His feet pad softly against the hardwood floor as he makes his way to the stairs, he’s trying to be as quiet as possible and he’s praying Calum doesn’t hear and think that it’s some murderer coming to kill him.

Ashton literally wants to cheer when he reaches the top floor without causing a single creak but he quells the urge to do so and instead focuses on getting to Luke’s room. The sound is definitely coming from there but now it’s not ABC3 anymore, it’s Calum singing and Ashton just wants to drown himself in that voice.

He pauses at the door, reading Luke’s small ‘Knock Before Entering’ sign and nearly chuckling aloud because Michael had written underneath it in small letters ‘because I’m probably wanking’.

He doesn’t knock, even though the sign and his mind tells him he should, he just opens the door. His eyes find Calum’s and the other boy looks like he’s about to start hyperventilating or something of the sort and he sees the way the Kiwi’s gaze locks onto his trouser pocket and he knows the younger must’ve braced himself for the worst, so he gets straight to the point.

“Ash..?” Calum breathes out, sounding and looking like a nervous wreck.

“Yeah, listen—“ Ashton starts but suddenly he’s cut off as Calum rushes forward and launches himself into the blonde’s space.

“ _At least let me have this…_ I-I’m sorry, _I’m sorry._ Please just don’t—“ This time, Ashton doesn’t let him finish. Instead he picks up where he last left off, “ _Listen,_ I love you. Okay Pup? I love you. I’ve loved you since I _met_ you. And if I really am the sun, then who else could be the moon other than you?” Calum’s face blanks and Ashton’s sort of scared that he might’ve fallen into shock but no, within seconds the younger boy is bawling and clutching Ashton’s now-wrinkled school shirt like his life depends on it.

Ashton notes that Calum’s breathing is worse than how his was in the bathroom, he’s even _hiccupping._ Broken strings of ‘ _I love you’_ and variations of the blonde’s name pass Calum’s lips and Ashton finds that he just wants to kiss them. He loves Calum’s voice, really he does, but he thinks that now would be a good time for him to quiet down.

Ashton pulls Calum back and stares, albeit a bit dopily, at the younger boy. How long had those pretty brown eyes watched him? How long had he been watching them?

Suddenly, though he watched it all unfold, Calum feels Ashton’s lips against his own and it feels like everything falls into place, like the world is back on its axis. Ashton’s hands find their way to Calum’s waist and Calum’s fingers have woven themselves through shaggy blonde locks.

And when Ashton bites Calum’s lip, Calum swears that there are colours he knows that don’t even exist bursting behind his closed eyelids and he can feel the warmth of the sun that’s not even there heating up his skin.

Ashton pulls away first, head dizzy and nerves alight, his eyes flutter open and he hears his breathing hitch at the sight of Calum all mussed up after their kiss, smiling so nicely that Ashton can’t help but kiss him again.

 _And_ _again and again and again._

**Author's Note:**

> ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ kik me if you want: shmu.


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